The Right One !!

His friends thought he was crazy. He had had a break up. But they believed it was high time since he got over it, mostly because it had happened 5 years ago.

He was always a jovial guy, looking at the positives in life and pretty much living the life every 25 year old can dream of. He had his friends with him. They had been together from school and they knew him pretty well. Their gang consisted of 4 guys and 2 girls. They knew each other very well, also because of the same locality in which they grew up. He had a secure and happy job as a high school teacher and that's when she came. 

She was a colleague of his and was teaching in the primary classes. He had fell for her and had confessed to her to which she agreed without much hesitation. There began a love story which everyone thought would end happily. They had been dating for 2 years and they were about to be engaged in a week's time.

One morning he found her mail in his inbox which was pretty unusual, as all their communication was through phone calls or instant messengers. Nevertheless he opened the mail and halfway through, he felt tears rolling down his cheeks. She had decided not to carry on with this relationship as she felt she could not handle the responsibilities of a marriage. She had also asked him to forget about her and not to get back to her.

Ever since that incident he was in search of the right girl for him. He hadn't been in a relationship and now that they had been into their 30's, his friends were worried about him. All other male friends of his had settled down with their families. They still conducted a get together every 3 months when just the 6 of them would meet.

It was one such get together and one of his buddies asked the usual question about his future plans and the answer was the same as expected. ''I'm waiting for the right one.'' and he smiled at them.

The only thing he failed to notice, was the yearning in her eyes. There was one question she used to ask herself everyday. "Am I not the right one.?" She just couldn't get the answer.

Writer's Block !!

Screenshot taken from Google.

Any person who has attempted to write a blog or any piece of literature would have experienced this "phenomenon". A situation where you know that you want to write, but at the same time, you are not able to concentrate on what has to be written. 

When you are facing this, you feel that you can write about anything. You feel that you can write about the waves, or the chirping of the birds, or even the 'plop' sound that happens when your poop hits the puddle of water in your toilet. Literally, everything becomes a topic for your next attempt at writing. But hey, think of that topic once again, and you will realize how dumb it is to write about such topics.

I didn't even know that this 'I-want-to-write-but-I-don't-know-about-what-to-write' phenomenon had a name. Thanks to Jaidev, I came to know of this term recently.

So why am I writing about this crap now. I know it looks pointless. But then, I am desperate to write again. The desperation I am showing now, is because I have faced this before and I succumbed to "writer's block". I had given up on my blog, because I knew I couldn't think of anything more to write upon. (After just one post in my blog, it was some shit conclusion I got into).

The solution to this, is not letting it pass. Thinking that it will pass is foolish, because it just won't. The only way you can overcome this situation is by writing again.

Deep inside, I don't want to repeat the same mistake again. I don't want to give up on my creation once more so that I regret about it years later. Hence this pointless post.

P.S: Thanks a lot for spending your precious time to read this.

What Inspired me ?

After an attempt at a short story (which was ridiculously long according to Jaidev), I would like to write about something which happened in my life couple of years ago. 

At some point of our life, we find inspiration to do something. Inspiration could come in any form, maybe a video, a speech, or a book, or something which a person tell you. Allow me to let you know, what (or rather who) inspired me to write.

This incident took place in the year 2008. I was in my twelfth class. Final year in school and the pressure to score well so that I could join engineering. But my parents were not the kind who would make me sit and study. They had given me enough freedom all throughout my eleventh and twelfth classes. I had been given time to enjoy my last few months in school. 

During the same time, happens my first crush (which failed terrifically) and my first love (or infatuation ?). Anyway we knew each other for such a long time that we didn't even think about our future (amazing no ?). 

Just like every year, February 2008 was fast approaching. My first ever Valentine's Day on which I won't be alone, thought the silly younger me. I wanted to buy her a gift. Went through my savings, and all the money I had only to realize that, a gift for her could wait till the next year. But then, I had to give her something memorable. After spending a lot of time thinking, I decided that I would write her a letter. An awesome letter which would make her happy.

Sat late in the night for 3-4 days thinking about the content. Wrote and rewrote it so many times and by Feb 13th morning, I had it ready with me. I had decided to give it to her that evening when we met at our math tuition (Forever grateful to Vimala miss for helping me score 60% in 12th math exam). 

With the letter in my bag, I spent the day lying in my bed and thinking how she would react (Pfft... how much time did I waste). In the noon, I decided to play cricket with my brother Varun. The match was going on all well but then the usually sibling fight started. But this time, both of us took the fight to WWE standards. We both started punching each other and in the end, he swung the bat. It made the finest of contacts on my left elbow and there I was on the ground, screaming and swearing !! 

Anyway that injury, ended our fight and he walked away jubilant, while I walked away supporting my left arm with the other. By that time, it was time for me to reach my tuition. I wouldn't let such a small injury ruin my Valentine's moment (Talk of determination !!).

Just as I was getting ready, my dad came from office. The first thing is heard, was that we had fought. He had every reason to be furious. He came storming into my room just when I was checking if my letter was with me. When I heard him coming, the first thing I did was throw the letter away under my bed. Somewhere I felt that I was a tad bit late in throwing away the letter, but I didn't feel it was safe to go back home and retrieve it. After explaining to him, the cause of our fight and after getting scolded, I walked off to my tuition, with a heavy heart.

Once I was in the tuition, all I could think was about my gift to her. Waited for her to come for about 2 hours. She had decided not to come to tuition that day. Once the class was over, I slowly walked out of the apartment. Was I sad ? Yes, because 

• I couldn't wish her,
• The letter was not safe at home, and also
• My hand was badly injured. 

Out there, I saw appa waiting for me on his bike. He had come to pick me from tuition. On the way home, he was silent, which was pretty awkward. Once I was home, I saw maa in the kitchen. When I went in, she asked me to sit down and brought me food and tea. I didn't know what to say, and I started nibbling on my food (happens rarely).

Maa sat next to me and asked, 'Are you hurt ? How is your hand ?' 

'Its hurting'

'Will go to doctor tomorrow morning.'

'Mmm.' I was still nibbling.

'By the way, when did you start writing so well.?' She asked.

I found it difficult to swallow whatever I was eating and asked 'What did I write ?'

'I found a letter written by you.'

I kept silent, not knowing what to say.

'I loved the way you wrote it. It was well written, but you should be concentrating on your exams now.' And she stood up and walked back to the kitchen.

Even now, I find it difficult to explain the emotions that I had at that moment. I was happy, proud and what not. I felt like, I had achieved something real big. (Like finding all the 100 hidden packages in GTA Vice City). Such an incredible feeling.

After a few moments I went to her and asked, 'Did appa see the letter.?'

'He is the one who brought it to me after you left.'

'Did he read it ?'

'Ask for yourself.'

Till now, I don't know if appa has read that letter.

Filter Coffee

Sameer, a handsome and dashing guy hailing from a middle class Muslim family from Hyderabad who came to work in Chennai with an MNC and Lakshmi, a girl from a very typical and orthodox Iyer family from Kancheepuram, who also worked in Chennai but with a bank. It so happened that both of their offices were in the same neighbourhood.

Sameer had rented an apartment with two of his colleagues, Rahul and Prathik. They had a pretty calm atmosphere in their apartment except during the weekends. They had hired a maid to cook for them and even though this costed them a bit, they thought it was a better option than experimenting with their culinary skills. 

Lakshmi stayed in a rented house along with Krishna, Varsha and Megha. Their place was about eight kilometers away from Sameer's residence. All three of her roommates where from Kerala as a result of which she had started to understand a bit of Malayalam. Krishna worked in the same bank but in a different department. She had invited Lakshmi to attend her engagement at Thrissur, but since Lakshmi was tied up with her job, she couldn't manage to attend the function. She knew that Krishna's fiancé too was working in Chennai and that his name was Rahul. She was sure of meeting Rahul in the near future.

It was a lazy saturday morning at the boys' place. Rahul woke the other two who were still on bed. Prathik was pretty frustrated and said 'Sone bhi nai dega kya saale.?' 

All Sameer saw was that Rahul was beaming like a kid. He asked in between a yawn 'Wassup with you today ?'. 

'Guys, Krishna was asking if we could meet today and also go for a movie together. Since its the first time, I am sure she may have a friend of hers with her. I want you guys to come with me, if you don't have anything else scheduled.'

'I gotta get my laptop repaired mate. And also I will be staying with Manish tonight. He has arranged for his anniversary party and I will be back tomorrow only.' said Prathik.

'So you are not coming. That means you have to join me brother.' Rahul looked at Sameer.

'By the way which movie are you planning to watch.?' asked Sameer.

'Not sure re, She would be booking the tickets. Won't be a bad movie.'

'Fine. What time are we leaving.?'

'We planned to meet at 2.30. You get ready dude. You can use the bathroom first as a token of my gratitude.' Rahul said with a grin.

The guys were ahead of their schedule by around 15 minutes. As they parked their car and entered the mall, they met Krishna along with Varsha and Lakshmi. Rahul, Krishna and Varsha were having a conversation in Malayalam. Sameer could not understand a word of it and it was pretty evident on his face. Sameer stood there, staring at the coffee shop. The slogan written over the door read 'A lot can happen over coffee'.

He went closer to Lakshmi and smiled. 'Hi. I am Sameer. I stay with Rahul.'

'I had seen you in the engagement photos.' Lakshmi replied with a smile.

'I don't remember seeing you there.' He said with a puzzled expression.

'Couldn't make it because of my work here. I work with City Bank. Krishna and I are colleagues.'

'So, you are from Tamil Nadu or Kerala.?'

'Thanjavur.' she said looking at her mobile.

'Oh. How long have you been here ?'

He heard Rahul shouting out from some distance. 'Oye. Aren't you both coming for the movie.? It starts at three o' clock.'

'Let's move.' Sameer said to Lakshmi and pulled her along.

Just about to enter the multiplex, Sameer pulled Rahul by his collar and whispered, 'Dude, I already watched this movie last weekend. It sucks big time.'

'Its her plan mate. I am as helpless as you are. But I am ready to pay for your ticket too.'

Inside the multiplex they came to know that the seats were in adjacent rows. Rahul and Krishna sat together while Sameer tagged along with the girls a row behind Rahul.

'So, what were you asking.?' quipped Lakshmi.

'Err... I kinda forgot.?' said Sameer. 'I am sorry if you felt uncomfortable when I pulled you along.'

'It was a bit unexpected but its fine.' Lakshmi said as she nibbled into the popcorn bucket. 'Want some.?' She asked Sameer.

'Nah.. I am fine.' He said turning to the screen. 'You know, I had seen this movie last weekend.'

'Me too. Never knew she was gonna book tickets for this one.' She said just as the movie began.

They left the multiplex together at about 5.30. 'What now.?' asked Varsha.

'Why don't we go for a coffee.' said Krishna pointing to the coffee shop. Rahul was about to nod a yes to the offer when he heard Lakshmi say 'Its not such a good place. The coffee is not really good and the price is too high.'

'Even I don't like this place.' said Sameer looking at Lakshmi, hoping to see her smile. His wish was granted.

'I know a new shop' Rahul said.

'Why don't we go to our place' asked Varsha. 'I hope Lakshmi wouldn't mind making coffee for us.'

'Fine with me.' Agreed Lakshmi.

After a struggle in the traffic, they reached the girls' residence at about six. They entered the house and sat around the dining table.

'I was thinking if Krishna and I could go for a walk. We would be back in 20 mins or so.' saying so Rahul and Krishna went out.

Lakshmi went into the kitchen. Varsha was constantly moving from kitchen to dining area. 

'Where is Megha.? Didn't see her.' asked Sameer.

'Whoaa.. you are asking about her now..? Anyway she went to Kerala. Will be back on tuesday.' said Varsha.

Just as she was about to start a conversation, her phone rang. 'Its amma. Be right back.' She went out with the phone.

Sameer sat at the table checking out Facebook. That's when Lakshmi came with a tray of coffee. Coffee was served in the traditional manner. In glasses kept within small vessels.

'Filter Coffee ??' Sameer asked with a wide grin.

'Yea' smiled Lakshmi.'Where is Varsha.?' she enquired.

'Her mother called over phone. She said she would be back soon.' Sameer said as he picked up a glass of coffee.

He saw Lakshmi blowing into her coffee before taking a sip of it. 'Don't you think we should wait for them.?' quipped Sameer.

'Varsha would take another 20 minutes to finish the call. The couple won't be here soon.' Lakshmi said as she took another sip of her cup of coffee. 'To get its real taste, you need to have our coffee warm.'

Upon hearing that, Sameer too took a sip of his coffee. He found it really tasty but a bit bitter too. 

'Isnt this coffee bitter.?' he asked Lakshmi. 

'Well, that's how we love it here. Is it ok for you?'

'Of course it is.' and within the next 90 seconds, he had finished his coffee.

'Well, have you met Megha and Varsha before.?' asked Lakshmi.

'Yea. In Kerala during Rahul's engagement. We had a good time there. Too bad you couldn't join us.' he replied

'Big Deal !!' Lakshmi frowned under her breath which didn't go unnoticed by Sameer. All he could do was smile.

Rahul and Krishna came home only to see two glasses of ice cold filter coffee waiting for them. Rahul just gulped down his glass of coffee. By seven o' clock, the guys decided to take leave. While leaving Sameer went to Lakshmi and asked for her phone number, to which her reply was a blank 'Why ?'.

'I thought we could be in touch.'

'Lemme think about it.'

'Here is my number.' He handed over a piece of paper over which he had written his mobile number.

Later that evening, Sameer received a 'Good night' message from an unknown number. He texted back asking who it was. Since he did not get a response, he decided to call. The call was picked up after the 4th ring.

'Hello. May I know who this is.?'

'Won't you give me time enough to reply.?'

'But who are you.?'

'Lakshmi'

'Oh hello ma'am' he said jokingly.

'Was it a joke.?' she asked.

'Was a bad one. But why did you text me.'

'This is my number. Save it in your phone.'

'What if I don't want to.?'

'Do as you wish. Goodnight.' He heard a beep.

He saved her number with a huge smile.

Soon their text messages and calls had become so frequent that, it had ended up being a routine for them. During one such call Sameer asked.

'I feel like having one more filter coffee with you. How about you.?'

'I am ready.' She said feeling happier than ever.

'So shall we meet tomorrow evening?'

'Hope you know that I am vegetarian'

'How about Adyar Anantha Bhavan.'

'Fine. With friends.?' asked Lakshmi.

'I don't think so.'

The next day Megha wondered why Lakshmi took so much time to dress up. Lakshmi reached the restaurant and had found a table for them. Sameer came late by 10 minutes.

'Romba traffic di.' He said.

'So do you know to speak Tamil.?' 

'Konjam' and he smiled.

'How long have you been here.?'

'Just eight months.'

They ordered coffee and then were so excitedly talking to each other that they didn't notice time pass by. When they were left the place, it was already 5.30. They decided to walk around for some time.

'What is your plan for Krishna's wedding?' asked Lakshmi.

'We will be Kerala a day before the marriage and we were planning to go for boating on the day after marriage. You coming ?'

'Lemme ask my roomies. I will confirm in a day.' she said as she was about to leave.

He hoped that she would join him for the boating that they had planned.

'How are you planning to go home.?' Sameer asked Lakshmi.

'I will get an auto or a cab' She said, but at the same time her thoughts were why he wouldn't drop her.

'Shall I drop you home.?' He asked her, as if he had read her mind. Deep inside he was hoping her answer to be a yes.

'Yes.' Lakshmi smiled.

When Varsha and Megha were standing by the gate, they saw Sameer drop Lakshmi at their gate. After a bit of a chat with Sameer, Lakshmi came in.

'Now i understood why you were taking so long to dress up in the evening.' said a beaming Megha.

'Has he proposed to you yet.?' asked Varsha.

'Not yet. Let's see.' smiled Lakshmi. That evening the girls were celebrating this new relationship.

Soon it was time for the much awaited marriage. Everyone was in a jolly mood. After the wedding, they went for boating as they had planned. After much enjoyment and happiness they soon came back to routine life back in Chennai. Only change being that both Rahul and Krishna had decided to rent an apartment for their family and they moved out. This ensured that the entire gang had a new hangout at Rahul's place at weekends. By that time, everyone had come to know of the relation between Sameer and Lakshmi.

On a friday evening, Sameer received a call from Lakshmi. 

'Wassup girl.'

'We need to meet Sameer.'

'Of course we will meet. But you seem worried.'

'Its a bit serious. I will tell you when we meet. How about tomorrow ?'

'Fine. But where ? Rahul's place ?'

'Na. Our usual coffee place will do. At 5 in the evening.'

'See you there.' and they both hung up.

That whole evening, Sameer could not help but think about reasons as to why Lakshmi was tensed. When he found that he could not tackle this, unless she talked to him, he decided to give up on it and slept.

The next day he was at their usual place by 4.50. Lakshmi came by an auto after about five minutes.

'Hey, you look beautiful.'

'Thanks Sameer.' She said gloomily.

They ordered their coffees.

'My parents had come last week. They have started looking for suitable alliances for me.' said Lakshmi.

'Is that all. You scared the shit out of me girl. So what worries you here.?' He asked.

'Is this a game for you Sameer.?'

'What ??' he looked puzzled.

'You haven't decided upon anything in life. Have you.? Have you thought about us.?'

'Yes I have given it enough thought re.'

'And.?'

'I came to realize that my parents wouldn't be happy about me marrying a non muslim.'

'So ?'

'I need some time to convince them.'

'Do you think my parents would be happy when I tell them about us.?' She asked him with tears in her eyes.

'I know about our situation and all I need is some time to sort it out Lakshmi.'

'Time.? How long would you need.?'

'Six months maybe.'

'Do you realize that, while we are having this conversation, my parents are looking for a suitable groom for their daughter.? Do you think they will require more than six months to find a suitable groom.?'

He remained silent.

'SAY SOMETHING SAMEER.' Lakshmi could not control herself and began sobbing.

He still didn't have an answer. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Sameer looked at her. He held her hands together and said 'I love you Lakshmi. I love you so much, that I wanna have a family with you. I want to enjoy life to the maximum but with you on my side. Every morning I want to wake up to your smile. I love you.' He continued, 'The problem here is that, I need time to convince my parents that I want to marry you for what you are. It can be made easier, if you are to accept Islam. But I won't let you do that. I loved you for what you are and I want my parents to accept you for what you are. For that, I need some time.'
He saw Lakshmi was smiling but her eyes were gleaming with tears. She held his hands tightly in hers and said 'I love you too. I need to talk to my parents and my family about this. Let's hope that we can convince them. Let's hope everything is gonna be fine.'
'Everything will be fine.' He smiled at her.
'It's getting late. Drop me home,' she said as she stood up to leave.
He stood up, paid the bill and started his bike.

Sitting together on his bike, he could feel the warmth in her touch, and the happiness in her smile. He knew that both of them were happy but he was also aware of the uncertainty that existed in their relationship now. While going home, he saw a new outlet of the coffee shop chain being setup and the tagline 'A lot can happen over coffee' was being displayed. All he felt was, a lot can happen in a short period of time and uncertainty too was a part of it.

Was it Love ???

His diary read,

"This incident happened some years ago and till date, I haven't been able to decide if it was love or something else. Till now I cannot ensure if we loved each other or not. I do hope to find an answer to this pretty soon.

Studying together for the majority of our schooling, we had become the best of friends. She knew me and my family and I knew hers. We shared everything on a daily basis. Everything that happened at home would become the topic for us to talk about the next day.

This went on for years till we reached 10th standard. The kind of pressure we had on ourselves during those days was more than what we could handle. All this had an effect on our long lasting "friendship". Our talks had been reduced to an hour a day. We were busy with our studies that we forgot to share the little things that happened at our homes. Both of us could feel distance growing between us but didn't have the courage to compromise on our board exam preparation. 

Soon our study leaves commenced which also meant we couldn't even see each other for a few days. It was during this time that I realized how much I missed her. I was not able to meet the rest of my friends, but I was missing her a lot more than others. Board exams started and ended in a flash. After the last exam, I told her what I had been feeling, expecting her to make fun of me. Her reply was a smile. That smile which blew me away. It took about a week for the effect of that smile to wear off. 

We joined the same school for our final two years of schooling. By this time, we had started feeling special about each other. We had a world of our own, where even our best friends didn't have a place. We had our own secrets, which were never meant to be shared with our friends. Those days seemed like a dream for both of us. We had never expected life to be so beautiful. Never thought we both could mean so much to each other.

Those days had to come to an end and it happened faster than we expected. Our life in school came to an end and along with it came an end to our happy times. 12th was another year of even more responsibilities. Both of us managed to clear our exams happily. For once, we wished if everything could remain as it is. But no, time moves on.

It was the time for the biggest decision of our life, our graduation. For her, it was being a doctor and I wanted to study literature. We didn't wish to interfere in each other's choice. We left school promising to keep in touch with each other, but knowing that it was not gonna last for long.

We hadn't thought much about the future, but we were in love. That immature kind of love which couldn't be nurtured beyond a certain level. That immature kind of love, which made us make weak promises to each other. That kind of love, which was meant to wither away with time.

After all these years, today when I was reciting Robert Frost to my class which included her son, I wondered if it really was love."

Resurrection !!!

Logging into my blog, the first thing I noticed was the date on which I published my last post which also happens to be my first post. '17-05-2015' it read. I just cannot comprehend the real reason for this long gap but then I can provide you with a hundred reasons for the same. But then those will be mere 'excuses'. Excuses, which are NOT the reason why I didn't continue with the blog.

Deep down, I will feel guilty that I just left my blog to wither and perish among many others. Not sure what brought me back here, but then, we just cannot give up on something that we love. Whether it be a person, a place or an activity, the love we have will always keep us pulling towards it. That kind of love which makes you think innumerable times before you give up on it. The same kinda love which doesn't let you give up.

Looking back on my life, there are many instances where in I have started something with the eagerness and enthusiasm of a 10 year old, but then gradually gave up on it. It could be the lack of love I had for those activities or my schedule at that point of time. Considering the fact that typing a blog wouldn't wreck my schedule a whole lot and also that I have always wanted to write, I just cannot let that happen to my blog. I wouldn't want it to perish among all others. 

Right now with the classical music playing and the confidence that I can get this blog up and running again, lemme welcome you all to this blog. The posts you would find here would be of a very random nature. Kindly bear with the same. Be the critic I wish you to be. Help me improve.

With Love

Gautham

The Beginning

Hello Everyone,

Lemme introduce myself. I am Gautham Gopalakrishnan. A guy born and brought up in Kerala, who studied in a Kendriya Vidyalaya, only to let his family decide his future for him, which was ENGINEERING. During my years of education, becoming an engineer was the dream most of the well-to-do families had for their children. No wonder that my family too followed the crowd.

Even though engineering was a decision totally against my wish to study Literature, I will never regret it. And I will forever remain thankful to my Appa and Maa for deciding to send me for engineering. I am even more thankful to them for letting me select a stream of my choice. Hence I hold a degree of B.tech in IT.

Life has moved a lot from then on. Right now I am into my final semester of MBA (yet another trend that I decided to follow). I have been absorbed by one of the pioneers in the Indian IT industry as a Business Analyst. I will be joining the firm very soon.

During all these years I had heard of bloggers and their blogs and I have read a few myself. Never did I dream of writing a blog (even though it was a secret wish of mine). Here is what led me to write this blog.

In our college (SCMS School of Technology and Management), we had these sessions with some of the well known names in different industries would be arriving at our college to address the students. These sessions were fondly named 'III' (triple I). We had attended so many such sessions that many of us despised them. Some of my friends used to bunk them all together.

One day in November 2014, our beloved Poornima ma'm came and announced that we would be having one such session that evening. The entire class groaned in unison, for which her reply was "You will not be bored with this one". Well she was right.

That evening, we were gathered in our seminar hall, half of us awaiting our guest and other half preparing to doze off. Some of us chatting to each other and some others frowning. That's when he made the entry into the hall along with our Poornima ma'm.

A guy in his mid 20's, medium built, in a very normal attire similar to ours, a tie being the only exception. His appearance and spirit was totally in contradiction to what we expected. At least some of us guessed this session would not be boring after all.

He dint look like he was prepared for a speech. Yet he managed to speak for 1.5 hours without boring us. He was our predecessor in the college, who had gone through all that we were going through. And he was pretty much successful in his life till then. He was able to inspire us and motivate us through his talk but more than that he was successful in projecting himself as a friendly person.

I became his facebook friend and interacted with him. One big commonality we shared was our love for English Premier League. He loved Arsenal and for me it has always been Chelsea, this makes our rivals too. During those interactions, i found his blog and went through it. Today I am proud to say he has inspired me to write this blog. Joseph, This one is for you. Cheers !!

Dedication:

To my Appa, Maa and Varun (my younger one), you are my strength and happiness.

To all my teachers, I remember each and everyone of you. Thank you for educating me.

To Joseph, Bhai, I respect you for what you have achieved.